December 2010
55 posts
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The same guys....
… that made Wild Hogs made Old Dogs? Is that intentional? Is it a sequel? I mean, how did those guys get away with making movies of such equal shite with such similar names? I already had those movies confused and I didn’t even know anything about them. Now this? You’d think the director wouldn’t get involved with anything that might remind people of Wild Hogs, but, being...
Degenerate
Saw a commercial about drunk driving. Made me want a drink. I suck.
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Plot Hole in 'A Christmas Story'
I hate when I watch a movie I loved as a youth, and realize something that makes no sense. It just happened to me with A Christmas Story, and its a detail that’s so largely inconsequential as to reaaaaaaally not matter, but I can’t get over it. I should just not say it and be a decent person, but I’m not so here goes: the mother spends an eternity getting Randy in the snow...
Am I supposed to be sorry...
.. that I don’t know how to spell your fucking name?
I regularly deal with people who get straight INDIGNANT that I occasionally ask “can you spell that for me?” at work.
It’s like… Your name’s KOPCZEWSKI, BRO, not Jackson. You saying Kopczewski mad fast will not clue me in on the fact that there is a Z and a W in your name? I’m sorry, guy, I’m not...
Need to have a sit-down with my corporeal form...
Gotta have a nice 1-on-1, you know? Be like… “listen, guy.. I understand you want to go to sleep. But guess what, shmuck? That’s not happening. So get over yourself. Wake the fuck up, help me write this fucking paper.”
The guy’s a dick. Clearly, we have things to be doing and this ‘being tired’ drivel is counter-productive.
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Scumbags
I must apologize in advance for the wealth of transit related posts of late, but this really stuck with me today.
So there’s a blind guy navigating the subway platform rather haphazardly, prodding with his stick, doing a reasonable job of not bumping into anyone, when some wretched woman gets in the guy’s way. Now, he’d already poked past her position with his stick and thusly...
Pride before a fall
I was speaking to a friend of mine a couple days ago, and we both realized that we essentially have not a had a single bad break in our lives. I mean, in terms of academia/our professional careers. Hasn’t happened. And really, this isn’t because we’re so studious and diligent that we take all manner of necessary precaution to ensure that we’ll come out on top, it’s...
Thank you, Microwave Oven
I’d like to take this moment to thank the microwave oven for making a good deal of my meals possible. I would have died of starvation long ago without your services. If you’re one of those people that hates on the microwave, well then, you know what? You probably have either a shit ton of free time on your hands, or a mother who loves you too much for you to ever become a functional...
The 3 reasons for any action
As I grow older, I find that there are three general impetuses (impetii?) preceding most actions that we as humans undertake. 1) You’ll like the result. 2) Someone you like will like the result and 3) Someone that you don’t like will absolutely loathe the result. I haven’t decided which is the most rewarding. I’m inclined to say the 2nd option. But putting the daily news,...
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“Broadway Joe was the coolest kid in America, an object of affection for girls...”
– Mark Kriegel, Namath.
Uber-Slackers
Thank god for the uber-slacker. Thank god they fall asleep in class every day and snore loudly, with head rolling around incessantly. Thank god for the people that walk into class on the day some shit is due and ask when said shit is due and then wear that goofy “aw shucks” expression that they always seem to. Seriously. I love those guys. Keep doing what you’re doing. So I can...
“Fresh flower, in whose service alone I have ever been and shall be, with heart,...”
– Troilus, in Chaucer’s Troilus and Criseyde
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If you see an empty subway car..
Empirical evidence suggests that somewhere on said car is an individual who smells like they’ve been shitting in their pants for the last twelve years of their lives. Now, obviously this only applies to train cars that would otherwise be crowded. You see an empty train car, I’m saying, at 9am, and you shouldn’t bother trying to get on that car, unless you like vomiting...
“The Athenians govern the Greeks; I govern the Athenians; you, my wife, govern...”
– Themistocles
Comparisons I drew today...
Got a haircut. They straightened my hair. It looks preposterous. Some comparisons I got were:
Criss Angel (what’s up, Em? haha.)
Michael Wincott in The Crow (this one I liked,)
Karl Urban in Pathfinder (that dude didn’t even have straight hair so I don’t know what…)
Connor MacLeod (again, this one makes no sense, but what I took away from the experience is… If...
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Cursed by Youth
I swear, I work withs a group of semi-competent excuses for apes. And generally, I encounter people of this caliber more often than I do not. Barring the very few “professionals” I deal with, I could do absolutely every person I ever encounter’s job better than they can.
Of course, I could never acquire these jobs, because I don’t have the necessary experience. EXPERIENCE!...
"I'm fine"
Is there a more disingenuous statement than “I’m fine”? No human being, if they were ever ok or good or whatever it is they purportedly mean when they drop an “I’m fine” would ever use such a droll word as fine to illustrate that fact. No, fine is firmly in the domain of the passive aggressive miserable. Fine means “my life is absolutely shite, and I want...
There is no Volvo X60
There is no Honda CVR
When I ask you what kind of car you own and you respond a 2004, you will be made aware that you are a fool.
To the guy who I asked “Do you have a Honda or a Volvo?” who replied “Is there a difference?” Yes. Yes there’s a difference. They’re not the same fucking company. What, they’re the same thing because they both have tires and...
Just said "You're welcome"
…to someone… who hadn’t said “thank you.” Good times. The awkward silence that followed last about 9 seconds. That doesn’t sound so long, but it was. It was.
My initially desired tumblr name..
..was Achilles. It was taken. I didn’t think much of it because I had something else lined up right away which I liked a lot. And have since lost due to meddling, but that’s not the point.
While bored today at school, I decided to see who had taken Achilles, cause they’re probably a solid person, Achilles being my literary hero, and presumably this person’s too.
I was...
"This is the female form,
A divine nimbus exhales from it from head to foot,
It attracts with fierce undeniable attraction,
I am drawn by its breath as if I were no more than a helpless vapor,
all falls aside but myself and it,
Books, art, religion, time, the visible and solid earth, and what
was expected of heaven or fear’d of hell, are now consumed,
Mad filaments, ungovernable shoots...
Blame
Responsibility. Guilt. Fault. Whatever.
People are obsessed with this notion. A husband and wife divorce. The guy’s a dick. The woman’s a twat. Really? Or maybe you just weren’t cut out for it. Chances are, you refuse to consider an intersectional dynamic, and you’re not gonna be happy next time, either.
And you’ll move on, and find someone else, you’ll both...
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Gates of Fire
Rarely does a book stick with me the way that one did. I read it about a year ago and was completely blown away. Ok. This happens. Great fucking books do that. But, for some reason, this quote/moment/whatever in the book popped into my head just now, if you’ve read the book you’ll understand the context:
“I am Dekton, son of Idotychides. It was my name you called when you cried...
Ho-leeee shit.
I am immensely proud of myself. Not that I’ve done anything worth being proud over. But still, I climbed a veritable mountain today.
I had a song stuck in my head. For a while now. I don’t remember how long, but obviously a long time because it was long enough for me to forget. I didn’t know ANY of the words. I didn’t really even know the beat. I guess, I didn’t...
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Orange Snackfoods
What the fuck, man. It’s the year 2010, and they, who’s they? I don’t know, Frito-Lay? They can’t come up with a way to make Doritos or Cheez Doodles without that wack fucking orange powder? That stuff is horrible. I can’t eat those foods without feeling like a slob. Within moments of opening a bag of these orange snacks, you are covered in orange goop. Yes, goop....
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Playing a Zombie on television
So The Walking Dead offered that contest whereby one could win a role as a zombie. I never entertained the notion of entering said contest. Nothing to do with being able to win or not, although the odds are presumably astronomical. No, I couldn’t enter it because being a zombie wouldn’t sit well with me. Haha. I’ve dedicated too much of my time thinking about chopping zombie...
Sports
Sports are really an impossible thing to explain. I couldn’t tell you, logically, why exactly last nights Jet loss affected me so profoundly, but by god, it did. I was crushed. Devastated. Because a bunch of men I’ll never meet, who don’t know I exist, lost at a game. A regular season game at that! Nevertheless, I staggered home, got into bed and went into a coma. Sportswise, I...
All these people with their utopias...
Fucking waste of time, waste of life, waste of absolutely everything. What is life if not marred by conflict?
Boring, that’s what. Is that insensitive? To who? Those people that can’t fucking manage? That don’t have the ambition, the gumption, the audacity.. to try? Life’s hard. Yeah. Exactly. That’s why it’s more fun to put yourself out there and conquer than...
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“The more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me that realizing...”
– Maya Azbel
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Occasionally...
I’ll get a pain in my armpits. My first thought is always “Well, it’s finally happened. I’ve got the AIDS.” And thankfully it never is, nor would there be any reason for it to be. But still. Bad times when you think you’ve gone and caught the AIDS. I love how anything is automatically more ignorant and therefore more humorous when you add “the” to...
Anonymous asked: you are yucky
