Nothing serious, nothing on like an Eternal Sunshine scope, but just little things here or there - little associations that I have with things that I’d rather not have. Little nagging gremlins that just never seem to go away - and why would they? Every effort put forth to exterminate them further cements them into your brain, and adds a little more bitterness to the schema. The only real option is to not think about these gremlins - as if the action of actively not thinking about them is somehow different than the action of directly thinking about them.
It also breeds a particularly unpleasant sort of passive aggressiveness by default. Someone tells you about some trip they went on - that reminds you of some shit that makes you queasy and you get pissed off and then you can’t exactly be like ‘oh well your story reminded me of *unreasonable mental association x*’ because you know it’s unreasonable. And the other person presumably can tell you’re miffed, because they presumably haven’t been lobotomized - and then that’s an unpleasant situation for everyone.
It sucks. It really does. Certain experiences or pieces of knowledge have unpleasantly colored so many things around me that I used to enjoy, or at least didn’t concretely dislike. Figure if I live another 50 years, won’t be much that isn’t colored negatively by some shitty little gremlin. Thus, the soft mindwipe. I want to forget why I hate certain songs, places, movies — can we get on that?
Maybe it’s just me though? Maybe most people have associations with things that are generally positive in nature, that don’t fondle your soul’s balls in the catholic priest way, but rather do so in the.. I don’t know, who’s hot? way. Regardless, my brain is poisoned and needs an antidote.
